I have a bone to pick with Hollywood. It seems that in almost every medical drama, action movie, or TV show, there comes a moment when the hero (or an unlucky side character) goes into cardiac arrest. Their heart has completely stopped—flatline, asystole, dead silence. And then, in a dramatic slow-motion scene, a doctor or heroic bystander shouts “Clear!” before shocking them back to life with a defibrillator. The monitor beeps, the patient gasps, and boom—they’re back.
It’s iconic. It’s cinematic. And it’s total nonsense.
Why This Movie Trope is So Wrong
Defibrillators do not restart a stopped heart. They are designed to reset an irregular heart rhythm, like ventricular fibrillation (chaotic electrical activity) or pulseless ventricular tachycardia (rapid, ineffective beats). If the heart is in asystole (a flatline), shocking it does nothing—no amount of electrical current can revive a heart that has zero electrical activity.
What actually works in real life? CPR, epinephrine (adrenaline), and possibly advanced cardiac life support measures. That’s why in real emergency rooms, when someone flatlines, doctors don’t reach for the paddles—they grab syringes and start chest compressions.
But hey, if we’re embracing complete absurdity, let’s at least consider other, far more entertaining methods that could hypothetically work better than defibrillation in a true cardiac arrest scenario.
The Best (and Most Absurdly Effective) Alternatives to Defibrillation
1. Roller Coaster Resuscitation 🎢
How it could work: Strap the patient into a high-speed roller coaster, preferably one with extreme G-forces, sudden drops, and violent turns. The sheer terror, combined with the rapid shifts in blood pressure and adrenaline surge, might just be enough to jumpstart the heart.
Likelihood of working: 1% (which is still 1% higher than defibrillation on a flatline).
🛑 Minus: If the heart doesn’t restart, at least we gave them one last thrill ride.
2. Ghost Pepper Therapy 🌶️
How it could work: Force-feed the patient a Carolina Reaper or another insanely hot chili pepper. The excruciating pain and subsequent shock could cause a surge of adrenaline, potentially reviving their heart.
Likelihood of working: Higher than shocking a flatline. Also, at worst, the patient’s last moments will be full of regret rather than peaceful silence.
🛑 Minus: If they were alive, they’ll wish they weren’t. If they weren’t alive, well… we just made a corpse spicy.
3. Spinning Like a Human Fidget Spinner 🌀
How it could work: If a person is unresponsive, rapidly spin them around in an office chair or some other contraption. The idea is that the centrifugal force redistributes blood flow, perhaps triggering a spontaneous return of circulation.
Likelihood of working: Probably close to zero, but imagine the dramatic slow-motion shots of their body flailing mid-spin.
🛑 Minus: If it doesn’t work, at least their ghost will haunt you out of sheer dizziness.
4. Playing Their Favorite Childhood Song 🎶
How it could work: Studies suggest that deep emotional connections to music can stimulate brain activity even in unconscious patients. Blasting their favorite nostalgic tune at full volume might jolt them back to life—especially if it’s an embarrassing song they don’t want anyone to know they like.
Likelihood of working: Not zero. There are cases where comatose patients have responded to familiar music.
🛑 Minus: If they wake up, you’ll have to pretend you didn’t just expose their guilty pleasure playlist.
5. Bee Sting Adrenaline Injection 🐝
How it could work: If no epinephrine is available, why not try nature’s version? Place an angry bee (or several) strategically near the patient. If they’re allergic, this could be a terrible idea, but for non-allergic individuals, the pain and shock could cause a brief adrenaline spike.
Likelihood of working: More plausible than shocking a stopped heart. Also, it would be hilarious to watch.
🛑 Minus: If the heart doesn’t restart, at least they left with a story worthy of a National Geographic special.
Hollywood, Please Do Better
If we’re going to keep making defibrillation look like a magical heart-restarting tool, why stop there? Why not show doctors reviving patients with explosions, lightning bolts, or by shouting motivational quotes at them?
Defibrillation does have a life-saving role—but only for specific types of abnormal heart rhythms. When it comes to a true flatline, these bizarre alternatives would probably have just as much (if not more) success. And let’s be honest—they would look way cooler on screen.
So next time you watch a dramatic medical scene, just remember: shocking a stopped heart is pure fiction. If Hollywood wants to prioritize cinematic spectacle over medical accuracy, at least make it fun!
Now, who’s ready to pitch a movie where CPR is replaced with roller coaster rides and ghost pepper therapy?